Sunday, December 24, 2017

The Night Before Clitmas

'Twas the night before Clitmas and we were alone
not a creature was stirring, not even my bone
her panties were hung by the chimney with care
in hopes that Saint Lickalot soon would be there

she in her nightie and I in the nude
fondling and fingering, my intentions were lewd
when out on the lawn there rose such a cry
my dick went all limp, and she went all dry

so up to the window I sprang like an elf
and opened the blind while she diddled herself
the moon shone bright on the snowgirl we built
a broom up her ass, right up to the hilt

and what to my wondering eyes did appear
but a fur-lined sleigh with eight studly reindeer
and a lascivious driver so spry and so quick
I knew in a flash it must be St. Lick

now sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite
he yelled to his team but it didn't sound right
' whoa Stupid, whoa Bumface, whoa Dickhead, whoa Klutz
slow down this sleigh, or I'll cut off your nuts ! '

then down the chimney he crashed like a lout
eyes bulged with lust and dick hanging out
she smiled and sighed and giggled with glee
his dingus you see hung down to his knee

his clothes reeked of perfume and pussy galore
he look liked a bum and smelled like a whore
' That was some cathouse ! ' he said with a grin
and cackled and snorted and wiped off his chin

so he bustled and opened his big bag of toys
clit vibes for girls, worn panties for boys
and a dildo so long it lay rolled in a coil
nipple clamps, butt plugs and all kinds of oil

he licked and slurped her quivering wet cunt
and gorged like a lion at the end of the hunt
he humped and pumped like a mad rutting steed
leaving her coochie overflowing with seed

so filthy and nasty was this raunchy old soul
he reached for the lube and greased her bumhole
then he spread her cheeks with a wink and a lick
and right up her ass slid his massive stiff prick

then sniffing his finger beneath his red nose
he hooted and cackled before he arose
I heard him exclaim as he flew out of sight
' Thanks to y'all for a fuckin' good night ! '

Friday, December 22, 2017

Pillow Princess Finishing School

You are an ideal candidate for the Pillow Princess Finishing School and I invite you to a personal interview with me, the Headmaster. If successful, you will become a new pupil and your study and training schedule will be agreed. You can begin immediately. 

There's nothing for you the student to buy -- Headmaster provides a cozy and comfortable facility with everything supplied that you will need to succeed to become a certified and proud total pillow princess. You can earn bonus marks through an enthusiastic attitude, an impressive libido, and a lust to be worshipped orally.

Everyone loves a horny pillow princess and upon graduation your talents and skills will be much in demand and your life greatly enhanced through intense orgasmic fulfilment.

The curriculum is outlined below and while you may opt out of some classes, you are encouraged to participate in most or all subjects in order to graduate with the highest possible ranking.

Course of Study  and Training

Pillow Princess Etiquette; Cunnilingus; Analingus; Dualingus and Group Play; Bondage and Submission; Clitorology and Pussy Pride; Dildonics; Vibrators and Stimulators; Feeding and Feasting; Fucking Machine and Sybian Orgasm Machine; Multiple and Forced Orgasms; Anal Toys and Ass Play; Glass, Ice and Inflatable Toys; G-spot Wizardry; Face Sitting and Tongue Riding; Tongue 'n Toy Play; Salacious Talk; Stretchercise; Domination and Tongue Slavery; Nipple Clamping and Pumping; Labia and Clit Pumping; Squirting and Gushing;

Location: Pillow Princess Finishing School is located in the Headmaster's Dungeon Den of Debauchery and Sex Toy Emporium near Toronto 

Frequency, Duration and Availability of Classes: weekly, 2 hours, 24/7

Contact: Headmaster, Pillow Princess Finishing School

kik: peachslurper 


Monday, December 18, 2017

Ho Ho Time With Kinkster Santa

Santa's a jolly old kinkster with a tireless insatiable tongue and big sack of ho ho toys to share with a hot and horny princess who loves kinky fun and nasty debauchery. Hang out with Santa in his secret cozy dungeon and sex toy emporium, open 24/7 for naughty girls only. Dare to take a wild orgasmic ride on his Sybian saddle machine or squeal and squirt with his collection of awesome vibrators, big fat dildos, butt plugs, nipple clamps, and lots more. Santa loves to play rim around the rosebud or kiss the cameltoe under the mistletoe. He likes friendly adventurous ladies of all ages, colours and shapes. Santa always has the munchies, but no milk and cookies please -- what he really craves is warm peach pie and yummy joy juice. Wanna cum ?

Thursday, December 07, 2017

Starfish and Cameltoe Under the Mistletoe

December is mistletoe month and jolly old St. Lick will merrily kiss, lick, slurp and suck your sweet juicy cameltoe and/or yummy puckered starfish under the mistletoe -- however you like it, for as long as you want, whenever you need it. Big sack of ho-ho toys too. Cum in my workshop, 24/7. Naughty girls only, all ages, shapes and colours.

Sunday, December 03, 2017

Worship at the Altar of Venus

It's a quiet Sunday morning and I see people going to big fancy churches with ornate brickwork and heavy wooden doors and bells ringing. 

But not me. I worship at the Church of the Sacred Pussy and find spirituality on my knees at the Altar of Venus. I'm awed and humbled to kneel in the grand cathedral between your svelte silky widespread thighs and behold 'the dearest morsel of the earth' in all its lusty mesmerizing glory. The velvety pouting petals of the most beautiful and compelling flower in all of creation. Like a bee to a flower or a moth to the flame, I'm drawn inexorably to the exquisite communion of lips and tongue and pussy and clit -- and urged on by your whispers and murmurs and mews and moans of pleasure. I'm driven into a feeding frenzy of tasting and gobbleslurping and pray that it never ends. I'm hugely thrilled when you squeal and convulse in the sweet agony of orgasm and feel truly honoured to make you cum. It's the ultimate gratification when you bless me with gentle streams of warm sacred nectar gushing into my thirsty mouth, and I thrill and shudder to swallow every delicious drop. 

Holy communion indeed !   

Saturday, November 04, 2017

In Praise of Cameltoes

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Zombie Night in the Dungeon

Calling all zombie girls -- just lay back and get gobbled by candlelight in tonguedaddy's dungeon of depraved debauchery. Get used and abused, eaten and beaten, sucked and fucked by kinky gynaecologist Dr O. No escape and no mercy -- leather and chain restraints, cuffs and floggers, scary dildos, vibrator torture, nasty nipple clamps, butt plugs, fucking machines, multiple intense squealing squirting orgasms. Bring your broom -- by midnight you may be unable to walk or talk.